Church
Bulletin Bloopers
Church
Bulletins:
Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. (That shows how old
some of these are... they now use
computers.) There isn't always time
to proof read because the one who puts
together all these announcements has many
other duties in the church office.
These
sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church
services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
meals.
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The peace making meeting scheduled for today
has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of
our community. Smile at someone who is hard
to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the
Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass
this way again," giving obvious pleasure to
the congregation.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon
topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and
other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person you want
remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine
dining, super entertainment and gracious
hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer
and medication to follow.
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There will be hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies
of the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited
to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the
First Presbyterian Church. Please use large
double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I
Upped My Pledge--Up Yours.
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The sermon this morning - Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon this
evening - Searching for Jesus.
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Our youth basketball team is back in action on Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days
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The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
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Evening massage - 6 p.m.
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The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
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Ushers will eat latecomers.
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The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
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The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
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During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
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Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service.
The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
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Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
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Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
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The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
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The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
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22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
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A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
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Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
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Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
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On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
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The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
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Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
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The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
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Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
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St
Julie Billiart Parish